Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
