M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
