think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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