Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
