I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
