I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
