i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.