So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
