we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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