i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize