Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.