I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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