your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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