Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.

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  (817): I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that. http://tfl.nu/nbo5
  Replies (27) Good night (1012) Bad night (5738)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.

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  (205): Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent. http://tfl.nu/5qhy
  Replies (25) Good night (709) Bad night (7427)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.

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  (828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end. http://tfl.nu/rcny
  Replies (27) Good night (2696) Bad night (5170)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

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  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (15106) Bad night (1670)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

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  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (66) Good night (25838) Bad night (3100)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes

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  (479): I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes http://tfl.nu/u839
  Replies (25) Good night (4278) Bad night (1380)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?

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  (732): He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it? http://tfl.nu/l4jt
  Replies (13) Good night (2568) Bad night (1415)
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  (949): View more from California

  I have no words

  (951): View more from California

  Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.

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  (949): I have no words (951): Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water. http://tfl.nu/wxcd
  Replies (19) Good night (1214) Bad night (2502)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.

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  (617): Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now. http://tfl.nu/mmi9
  Replies (1) Good night (1429) Bad night (665)
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  (631): View more from New York

  His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE

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  (631): His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE http://tfl.nu/8spd
  Replies (17) Good night (1068) Bad night (2056)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.

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  (727): OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP. http://tfl.nu/c6a1
  Replies (6) Good night (415) Bad night (792)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.

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  (603): We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma. http://tfl.nu/dz4i
  Replies (3) Good night (1368) Bad night (450)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.

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  (306): fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not. http://tfl.nu/h1nv
  Replies (5) Good night (1075) Bad night (365)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.

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  (315): I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went. http://tfl.nu/eb4a
  Replies (2) Good night (607) Bad night (424)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I could fuck to npr.

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  (804): I could fuck to npr. http://tfl.nu/mjwh
  Replies (2) Good night (409) Bad night (290)

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