you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
