having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.