haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
