i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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