Can i not drive my cunt home
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
