rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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