and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
