I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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