Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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