Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
