i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
