So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
