Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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