I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
