He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
