Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
