Jerry, you need to find god
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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