just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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