when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish you could order shots online.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
