Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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