But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
