I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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