Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
