I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
