i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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