she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
