He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
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