You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
