I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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