I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
