it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your cock deserves a montage
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
