I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
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Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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