i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
