I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
