Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
