I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
