Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
