My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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