For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
