Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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