Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
