Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
