1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
