...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
