Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
