wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
