Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
