She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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