Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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