Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Blood and glitter go together right?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize