I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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