Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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