The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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