sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
