I smell stomach acid.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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