note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
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I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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