I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
