So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
