so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
