You're my little dorito
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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