Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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